What’s Your Anthem?
“You’re not good enough”
“You’re unloveable”
“You’re not worthy of love”
“You are a failure”
“You are a disappointment”
The list goes on. Your anthem is the repetitive message that resounds in your mind, usually coming from your inner critic. The message that your anthem conveys is almost always linked back to a formative moment, or multiple moments, that left you psychologically wounded as a child. If your caregivers emotionally neglected you, you might find that a version of your anthem is similar to “No one cares about me”. If none of your achievements were ever acknowledged in your household growing up, maybe “You’re not good enough” sounds familiar.
The content of our anthems has significant influence over how we think about ourselves, how we operate in the world, and how we engage in relationships with others. If you find yourself saying internally “I’m not worthy of love”, you might notice a pattern of avoiding emotional intimacy with others. Likewise, if you notice the chorus in your mind sounds similar to “I’m a failure”, you may find that you are overly critical towards yourself and possibly even those around you. These internal messages have outward ripple effects.
We all have an anthem. Or multiple anthems. Tuning into the “lyrics” of your anthem requires you to notice your thoughts and feelings. How do you talk about yourself when you make a mistake? What does your inner voice say to you before taking a risk? What about when you experience joy, anger or hurt? Most likely, your brain has your inner critic’s song playing just loud enough in the background that you don’t notice it. So take time to notice when you find yourself being critical or doubtful.
If you’ve already identified your anthem, I encourage you to go back in time, to the moment where the anthem was solidified for you. Reflect on how you came to believe your anthem. Who fed you this repeating message? A parent? A bully? A sibling?
Now, turn your attention to that past version of yourself with love, compassion, and gentleness. You don’t have to hold on to that message anymore. So what anthem would you rather hear? What anthem would be more helpful? More encouraging? Repeat your new anthem until the old one becomes quieter and quieter.
And may you know that your anthem can be edited at any time.
