On Feeling Stuck

The pit. The mud. Quicksand. The merry-go-round is my personal favorite. Round and round we go on the same ride, seeing the same landmarks, day in and day out. Whatever you want to call it we’ve all been in some sort of psychological landscape that puts us in a space that feels like onward is no longer an option.

When we get stuck, feelings like dread, sadness, worry, overwhelm are all too common. You might lose sleep, or sleep too much. Maybe you lose motivation to care for yourself. Maybe you retreat from the things you love doing. It can feel like a hopeless state to exist in, and it’s a slippery slope. The heaviness of the pit presses down on you until you feel like there is no where else to go.

But why does this happen? Life would be less complicated if we never had to deal with the stuck feeling. And I haven’t encountered anyone yet who actually enjoys feeling stuck. The feeling seems to arrive like a sudden pipe explosion, knocking you down with such force that it prevents you from getting up. But in fact the stuck feeling starts as a slow and quiet faucet drip, tapping on your subconscious begging to be addressed with each passing day.

So let’s think about how the majority of us spend our days. The way most of modern society is structured, autopilot is a required state: Wake up. Drive to work, sometimes in traffic. Work for 8-9 hours, maybe more. Drive home, sometimes in even more traffic. Come home exhausted and ready to veg out. Multiply that routine by 5 days a week and that stuck feeling begins to brew until it’s stronger than an espresso infused cold brew. It doesn’t have to be that exact formula either. I know stay-at-home mom’s who fall into autopilot mode. Retired adults. Teenagers. Autopilot is surely not reserved only for those who work the Monday-Friday grind. When we lose connection with our inner world, we lose touch with actively “piloting” our lives. The autopilot setting then takes over and flies you right into the land of stuck. Getting back in touch with our inner world, our inner selves, is key to reversing out of the pit and moving forward.

To get back in touch with your inner self, you need to examine your feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. How we FEEL is influenced by how we THINK. The way we FEEL influences what we DO. And what we DO influences how we FEEL. Noticing a pattern? It’s all interconnected! This triangle of Think-Feel-Do is the foundation for a type of therapy called Cognitive Behavior Therapy, or CBT. The general idea of CBT is that when you can change your thinking patterns and change your behaviors, how you feel will start to change too. That might sound simple, but when your brain is stuck in the mud or stuck on a merry-go-round changing thoughts and behaviors requires effort. And it requires quite a bit of introspection.

I encourage you to think again about how you spend your days. Examine the things that are fixed. These would be things like having to go to work, parenting duties, homework, etc. Now, examine the moments in your life that have the potential to be adjusted. These would be moments like when you’re on your phone scrolling through the endless abyss, turning to video games, television, etc. I acknowledge that there are moments when you need to totally tune out the world. Media consumption can serve that purpose. But it’s when we over-consume, over-tune out that we potentially push ourselves farther away from our inner world and closer to getting stuck. Tuning out and vegging out is not going to help you shake that stuck feeling.

So tune into yourself. Adjust little by little by spending more time outside, allowing the sun to soak into your skin and connecting with nature. Catching up with friends who are good for your soul. Laughing. Engaging your brain through a book. Practicing a beloved or brand new hobby. Learning new skills. Playing an instrument. Moving your body. Nourishing your body. Journaling. Creating. Practicing gratitude. This is not an exhaustive list as there an infinite ways to connect back to your inner world.

You don’t need to do all of these things at once. You can start by incorporating one thing each day, or even each week, that tunes you back in to yourself. Changing behaviors to ones that are more intentional can help to change your thoughts which will help to change your feelings and reverse the perception that you are stuck.